Strawberries and Black Pepper
by Broken Music Box
Summary: Just a slightly disturbing one shotficlet from Ryou's POV.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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His has his sun and his moon in his life and house.

What use would he have for a mere hikari?

Bakura loves Yami because it started as hate, rivalry and a search for revenge. It came from the overwhelming _need_ to prove that he was stronger, that he could best his enemy and win. And from there, it morphed. It changed when they both realized that they were the only true equals for each other. Yami is Bakura's moon.

Bakura loves Yugi because Yugi is a part of Yami. He is Yami's light, and an echo of all Yami is. But in an innocent, pure way. And because every dark needs a light, even if it isn't his own. Yugi is Bakura's sun, and his beacon of light.

I am Ryou, Bakura's hikari. He barely remembers or cares I exist.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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"Ryou?"

Smile. Cheerfully, but not too happily. Turn and face Yugi quietly, smiling, not looking ready to scream at all. Not smiling too tiredly either. Perfectly. Non-threateningly. Ryou-like.

"Yes, Yugi?"

Smiles are lies. Lies that everyone bandies about so cheaply, so much so that they have no meaning. But if they have no meaning, they can't be lies. Can they? None the less, they are deceiving. Smile because you can't let Yugi know you are sad. Smile because so Yami doesn't notice you're sore because you slept outside in a garden chair because he and Bakura were making out living room and you didn't want to walk past. Just smile, damn it, so Bakura forgets you have feelings too.

"Are you okay?"

Nod and _smile._ Don't explain that you're sick of being a shadow in your own home. Don't tell him that you hate the fact you have no privacy. And do not, certainly not, shout that you'd like some attention because you cook and clean for them all. Oh, no. That wouldn't do. After all, there is no answer to that question. So turn away, still smiling. Walk away, slipping out the door and grabbing your coat, venturing out into the rain, still smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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Scrub. And wash. Take no notice that the hot water is turning your pale hands red. Just try and rid the white fabric of the blood. Yes, the blood must come out of the cloth and disappear. No one is allowed to see what clumsy little you has done. They must not! Yes, the blood must be scrubbed away.

"What are you doing?"

"Washing."

Answer simply and truthfully, because that's what you're doing. You're trying to cleanse the fabric. Ignore the intruder with the tri coloured hair and don't look at him. Submerge your hands in the hot water again and rub at the stain with soap and a scrubbing brush, Breath deeply and keep going, because the Pharaoh has a habit of standing quietly and just watching. And then talking and talking and talking until you start talking too, and tell him all your secrets.

"Why?"

Why? Because the shirt is dirty. And because it's dirty, it must be cleaned. Especially since what makes it dirty is blood. Blood is bad. More so when it's on white material. Don't forget the dirt on it. That makes it dirty as well. But it was already dirty because it had blood on it. Or was it? The dirt and the blood got on it at the same time. So, what made it dirty first?

"It's unclean."

Don't flinch as Yami looks over your shoulder, because he just wants to see what a good job you're doing. Don't step away, either. It would be terribly rude, and you're not rude. Just keep washing the shirt to get rid of the blood.

"Ryou, it's clean."

Try not to look lost as he takes the shirt from you. Smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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Walk fast or wander? Even though it's raining, dawdling sounds nice. Or maybe it's because it's raining drifting aimlessly sounds wonderful. But careful that you don't slip and fall. That would be bad. Because if you slipped and fell, you might skin your knees and get blood on your shirt when you reach out to check the graze isn't too bad. And that would mean you would have to wash the shirt to make it clean again. And that would take a long time.

Look up and notice that the rain is starting to get worse. Perhaps you should go home? But wait- home doesn't feel like home, it feels like Yugi and Bakura and Yami's home, not yours. Don't go 'home' yet. Don't go back to the place where prying eyes watch and yet take no notice. Where people walk in and out without knocking first, asking what you're going and why and if you're okay.

Of course you're not! Would you be wandering in the rain if you were? Think about where you could go if you don't want to go home. The park had gazebo's and benches- places where the now heavy drops of water wouldn't fall on your head. The library is dry and safe, because no one you know goes there. Why would they? They all play Duel Monsters and talk and date. Not go to the library. And since you don't want to go to the library or park either, you have to go home. But which way is home?

"Come on, Ryou, I'll take you home."

Oh, _look_, there's Malik. You remember Malik. Don't stare as you wonder what Malik is doing here. Smile for the Egyptian. He looks as if he needs a hug and a smile. But just smile, because he'd probably push you away if you tried to hug him. Follow him as he holds un umbrella over your head and leads you home quietly.

Smile and waves as Malik walks away after scolding Yami, who opened the door, for letting you outside without a coat in the middle of a storm. Don't stop smiling after Malik, even though Yami glares.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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"Ryou. Ryou? Ryou, damn it, look at me!"

Don't flinch as Bakura grabs you by the shoulders and roughly assists you in turning around. Smile softly so you don't scream and cry and run away because you're confused, because they're all watching and they want you to tell them what's wrong. Look at your bare feet silently, still smiling. Don't they understand? There is nothing wrong. You're just being good and quiet. All for them. Don't they feel special?

"Please, hikari, look at me."

Don't look up. Why does he need a hikari? He has the people that are the sun and the moon to him, standing behind him and staring with fretful eyes. Why are they all looking and watching? What did you do? You did nothing. You cooked and you cleaned and avoided confrontation and was very quiet so they could be content and pleased. Why are they not happy? What did you do? Smile a little and wander why they stare even more because you're smiling. Why shouldn't you smile?

Laugh softly because you find it funny. They are staring because they don't see what's funny. But you do, don't you? It's funny because you brought their attention to you by being too quiet and shadow-like. They want you to speak.

"Please...."

Bakura's fingers dig into your shoulders and you wince, then look up, smiling. It was still funny to you. You shake your head and slide from your dark.

Grab your coat. It's raining and Malik might get annoyed if you visit without one.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

To everyone who's reviewed, you all rock my world!

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru, this chapter is for you.

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Cough. Cough and hack and splutter because you can't stop, even though you hate it. Cover your mouth so you're not being rude. You must not be rude. Don't look at Yugi as he get up and walks from the room. Don't look at Bakura, who is sharpening a knife. Don't look at Yami either, who is just staring at you. Didn't his parents ever teach him staring is rude? But you forgot- the Pharaoh's world is many years dead and so are his parents. Start to read your book again, and ignore Yugi walking back in and sitting next to you, holding something.

"Ryou? Drink this."

Shift slightly so Yugi knows you're not listening. Keep reading and smiling. Try and ignore Bakura as he starts to curse. Feel a little surprised Yami doesn't move, and it's his hikari you're ignoring. The knife slams point down and becomes stuck in the table as Bakura looses his temper. Don't flinch.

"Yadonushi, just drink the milk!"

Place the book down gently, bookmark in place. Now you know. It's a glass of milk that Yugi is holding, and he had mixed the cough syrup into it. Smile and shrug as Yugi gives you the milk, pushing it into your hand. Immediately put it on a small side table. Hunch your shoulders as your breathing hitches and you start to cough.

Jump slightly as a hand rubs gentle circles on your back. Look up and into crimson eyes, and look away, fear thrumming through your nerves. Why is he touching you? Don't move away. Notice that both Bakura and Yugi have left the room. Flinch. Breath quickly as Yami's arms snake around your waist and pull you against him gently. Freeze, and don't move. Stop breathing for a moment. Then burst out coughing, curling in a ball, feet on the couch, head on knees. Feel shaky and weak as the fit stops. Smile uncertainly. Perhaps you should be frowning and shouting at Yami for invading your space. Start to shake as one of Yami's hands runs through your hair tentatively, and he kisses the side of your head.

Close your eyes against the small tears that threaten. Open your eyes after a few seconds and discover that the Pharaoh is gone, and the milk is now balancing on your book. Pick up the glass and drink it quickly. It tastes awful. But you'd do anything to end the appearance that you need assistance from them, wouldn't you? Go back to being perfectly healthy, so they don't feel the need to watch constantly.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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Don't have any expectations. Just don't. That way, you don't get hurt. That's the way it works, right? That aim of the game everyone plays. Everyone's just trying to avoid getting hurt. And since Yugi and Yami are the King of Games, shouldn't they be very good at avoiding pain? Then why do you see Yami sitting, head in hands, looking as if he should scream because of the unidentifiable emotion he's feeling?

Brush past Yugi quietly, and don't flinch as Malik materializes out of pretty much nowhere. You didn't think that there were that many hiding places on the grounds of Domino High. Look up and smile.

"Happy Birthday, Ryou."

Try to hide how your smile widens and your eyes light up. No matter, Malik sees anyway. Ignore Yugi's guilt-stricken look. Watch as Malik literally fades back into his hiding spot. Catch the way he glances back over his shoulder- permission to follow. Don't notice the way Yugi twitches violently, as if he wants to stop you.

Block out the silky whisper of Bakura's question of where you're going.

Step out of the shadows. Spot Malik lounging casually on the grass. Wander over slowly and sit down next to him, legs folded. Smile at him. And honest, genuine smile that actually means something. Take in the way he smiles back- as if he enjoys your company.

Just sit next to him for a while. Don't flinch when Malik breaks the silence.

"Want to skip school?"

Nod. You've never played tuant before, have you? Take the hand Malik offers you to haul you to your feet. Don't notice the frown that flickers over his face as he realizes how light you are.

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Around the time school finishes, walk next to Malik through the park. Feel sad that Malik has mentioned that you'd better be going home, or Bakura and Yami and Yugi might worry. Try not to thnik about how much trouble you'll be in. Be shocked as the words burst forward.

"I don't want to go home."


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

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Watch as Malik puts blankets and a pillow on the couch for you. Grin a small, happy grin. As soon as the fact that you didn't want to go home had come up, Malik had tilted his head and then declared you could stay with him for as long as you wanted. Jump a little as Isis pokes her head into the room and smiles at you.

"Is Ryou staying the night?"

Observe the glower that Malik throws at his older sister. Be surprised as he nods and speaks really quietly. You had thought that if Malik glared like that, he wasn't going to answer.

"Yes. Bakura, Yami and Yugi haven't been treating him as well as they should."

Flinch a little at the tone the Egyptian uses. Watch as Isis's eyes widen a little and she nods. Wince. Why did Malik's sister look like that when Malik mentioned Yami and Bakura? Perhaps she thought that they would come looking for you. She's wrong. If they were looking for you, they would have found you. Think for a moment, then take off the Ring and put it on the table. And if they were looking, no sense in helping. Avoid Malik's curious look. Glance towards that kitchen as Isis announces dinner is ready.

"Hungry, Ryou?"

Nod silently to Malik's question. Follow Malik into the kitchen docilely, and go to sit in the seat he indicates. Catch Rishid regarding you calmly. Peek shyly up at him. Startle as Rishid offers a hand, speaking soothingly.

"Hello, Master Ryou."

Shake his hand tentatively, and suddenly twist and skitter behind Rishid as you hear Bakura yelling loudly. Sneak a glance from behind Rishid, and see Yami stalk into the kitchen and glare at Malik, who is standing with his arms crossed defiantly. Your heart leaps in fright as Bakura appears as well, with the Ring. Cringe.

"Ryou, come here."

Hesitate long enough for Bakura to snap another word.

"_Now._"

Feel your heart drop down to your toes as Yami places a hand on your shoulder and Bakura drops the Ring around your neck, making it clear who owns you. Fight not to cry as Yami explains patiently to Isis and Rishid how you are as of now out of bounds to Malik.

Don't look up the whole way home, so they don't see the tears that ghost down your face.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper  
Author: Broken Music Box  
Rating: PG  
Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.  
A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

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Alone. So very, very alone, and Yugi is sitting right next to you. Ignore Bakura's loose arm around your waist as you sit uncomfortably on the couch. Feel like yelling and screaming and ranting and raving and killing and _dying_. But don't. Don't move, don't speak, don't lash out. Smile and smile and smile and smile. Watch as Yami lazily uncurls and pulls Yugi into a hug. Glance away quickly when Yami looks at you as if he wishes it were you he were hugging. Ever so slightly, shift backwards towards Bakura for protection and hate yourself for it. Don't forget to smile.

Stiffen as Bakura gently lifts you into his lap. Just smile and smile and smile, even though you want to hit him. Clench your hands so your nails bite into your palms as Bakura nuzzles your neck. Notice Yugi watching worriedly, trying to guess whether he should interfere if you get too distressed, and Yami simply observing, almost uninterestedly. Nearly scream from fear and sadness and frustration and uncertainness. Smile.

"Bakura?"

Force out the question in desperation. Flinch as Bakura freezes, and Yugi jumps, and Yami sits up alertly. Don't forget to smile.

"Yes, hikari?"

Try to ignore the pur-like lilt to Bakura's voice. Tense as suddenly pulls you back so you are pressed against him. Don't move, don't speak, don't breathe, only smile.

"Let me go. Please."

Breathe hesitantly as Bakura considers it quietly for a long moment. Watch Yugi and Yami study you intently. Look down, focusing on your knees and Bakura's arms.

"No."


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Strawberries and Black Pepper

Author: Broken Music Box

Rating: PG

Summery: Ryou's thoughts as he is neglected by everyone.

A/N: Okay, I know this one is a little weird. Any reviews welcome.

This is the end, everyone. Thanks to everyone who reviewed- you all helped keep my smile in place for a little longer.

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It's funny really. It is, it is. You spent so much time planning your escape, and were so very very careful. You never let one clue that you were going to run away show- you hid everything. And yet, the Pharoah still knew. You could tell he knew, by the few appraising looks he sent your way. You knew that he knew, he knew that you knew he knew, but Yugi and Bakura didn't know. Why didn't they know, if Yami knew? You don't know, do you. You still don't know.

Malik was so kind, wasn't he? He helped plan. He was the one who actually came up with the idea that you could actually just skip school one day and get on a plane to go where ever you wanted to go. He helped and he planned and he came with you. He sat next to you on the plane as that strange feeling slowly spread through your system, and smiled so nicely at you. And he watched as you smiled back, a genuine smile that showed him how greatful you were.

You went to Egypt. You wanted to see where it had all started, so very very long ago. You wanted to see where your captors had been born and grown up and been sealed into their Items and forever banished to a unique hell. You saw the pyramids and all the other tourist attractions, and had blended in with the crowd, Malik next to you. Then you had gotten back on the plane- a different plane, but it was still a plane- and gone. You had flown, and flown, hopping all over the world, trusting Malik to eventually stop and find somewhere safe. And he did.

Now you're here, in a sleepy little town in Australia, curled up on the couch in _your _living room, with the fan on and you're reading quietly. Malik is writing franticly in one of his notebooks. You paint and garden and are nice to your neighbours. Occasionally, you drag Malik down to the beach, teasing him and cajolling until he runs ahead of you, and you run after him, and you both laugh the laugh of prisoners freed after a long time. You're both comfortable and happy and you both pray each night that _they_ will never find you.

And Malik writes hauntingly familiar songs and stories about people trapped and afraid, and unconditional love and friendship.

-Owari-


End file.
